Your Story is a series by WonderfulWoman where you will read inspiring Guest Posts from women around the world. Here they share their experiences, stories and things that matter most to all women.
Today’s Guest Post is by Christielee Plumridge from mumthatsabadword.com Christielee is 36 years old. She is a single mum, business owner, social media manager for Macarthur fresh and writer and content creator for her blog. Last but not least, she is the mom of four beautiful girls Tigah rose 14, Aiva-leilani 12, Layla-malanna 11, and Amarlie Briallen 4.
My Journey From A Suicide Loss Survivor to A Healthy Mummy Consultant
Nearly 3 years ago I received a text from my best friend Adams sister, I had just finished telling my partner I had terrible nightmares all night and couldn’t shake that bad feeling.
My phone buzzed as I was driving him to work so he checked it and said it was Donna.
The next words out of my mouth were ‘Adam’s dead’ he scoffed at me not to be dramatic and read the message out, ‘hey Babe call me urgently’
I pulled up to Jay’s work and rang her, I asked her if he was alive and she said no I’m so sorry babe, he hung himself last night.
All I remember is screaming, a long hysterical scream that had people running out of shops to see what was happening. My partner tried to comfort me to no avail, I couldn’t even tell you how I responded or even how I got home, I don’t remember telling my girls that their uncle and godfather had died or calling everyone to let them know.
I only remember crying and praying I’d wake up from this nightmare, I never did.
I had been waiting for that call for many years, I never thought of suicide, I thought an OD or a car accident but never suicide.
I had introduced Adam to drugs many years prior, he was a young gay teen in a hateful world and in my mind I knew drugs could ease his pain. Something I’ll live with till the day I meet him again..
I was an abused child, I endured years of sexual, physical and emotional abuse and bounced from one messed up relationship to another. I was raised by a single teen mum who worked a lot to support us, she tried to create a stable home but after years of being abused by her parents she went on to be abused by boyfriends and I watched her fight grown men often, I thought that was normal.
I spent my time between my mums home and my babysitter Christine’s. Chris lived two doors down and had 4 kids and treated me like one of her own. She was the person who discovered my uncle had been abusing me for years and had him arrested but the damage was done, I became addicted to alcohol and drugs at an extremely early age and by age 15 I was living with my first boyfriend and had left school.
After a few years I returned to school, settled down and although I still drank excessively and done party drugs on the weekend I gained my high school certificate, was working, was staying out of trouble and doing well but it never felt like I was whole somehow. At 18 I left my partner and rekindled my relationship with drugs and alcohol to fill that void and one night after a huge drug binge my roomy bring a guy home, she introduced him to me and I met my beautiful Adam.
I laughed and asked why he was screwing my friend and he said he liked her, I told him he liked men and she was definitely a woman last time I checked! He kind of acted offended and told me I was wrong but stayed in my room and spoke to me for hours before he finally left. Three days later he called me and told me he thought I may be right and he might be gay, we were inseparable from that moment on.
One thing about addicts is we don’t like to get high alone so we pressure others to get High with us and Adam happened to be the person I managed to convince to do it with me.
2 years later I was pregnant and after bub I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, everything suddenly made so much more sense to me now. I recognized why I behaved the way I did and had this beautiful baby to take care of. I had managed to get clean when I found out I was pregnant and I stayed clean.
Adam, on the other hand, was a complete addict and dealing drugs for some bad people, his life went from bad to worse and his parents sent him halfway across the country to get him away from the trouble that I had essentially gotten him into.
He was gone nearly 4 years and then one day I was at the local shops and we bumped into each other and he said he was back in Sydney to live, once again we were inseparable. I had 3 babies by then and was single and raising them alone and was determined to stay clean and get Adam clean because hers drug abuse was my doing but he always ended up back on drugs and once he found ice there was no going back.
8 years on and off he battled the addiction, he met a guy and his family and I were hoping he would get and stay clean but his partner was a drug addict as well. He was having trouble with his boyfriend and found him cheating and called me up crying, I begged him to come to stay with me, I just had another baby to my hubby and he was back home in South Africa for the month so it would be just us, he told me he loved me and would call me but needed to sort it out.
I never spoke to him again.
My partner got back that week, we already had a lot of issues but my mourning was too much for him, he didn’t understand why I took Adams death so bad being from South Africa he had seen a lot of death whereas I’d never lost a someone. He expected me to deal with it differently and we broke up a month later. I had lost my best friend, was going through a breakup and raising 4 kids alone.
I was everything I never wanted to be.
I was determined to change everything and within a few months, I started an online business. (https://www.facebook.com/
I became a healthy Mummy consultant and started teaching women and mums in particular to live a healthy and balanced life, I empower them to be proud of everything that they are and can be and to own their shit no matter what size they are, not matter what they’ve been through and no matter what their current situation.
My daughters’ father lived close by and we co-parented but in February 2017 he hurt one of the children and confessed he was on drugs. He tried to take his life but was unsuccessful, the next few months were pretty crazy and he was only allowed visitation to our baby in public with me present. He hated the situation but never argued and always respected the boundaries.
In November I lost the house I was living in because I couldn’t afford to pay the rent, myself and the 4 girls moved into my parents’ garage and we’re planning to stay there for about a month whilst I saved to get a cheaper place.
Jay hated that we were living like this and blamed himself, In December he told me he was flying home to South Africa and to sell his bike to get the money for a house, he spent the day with our baby, sent me every photo he had of us and said his goodbyes.
3 days later I got a phone call to say he had taken his life in his home, he was gone.
My baby had no daddy and I was going through it all again.
The next few months were a complete haze, my baby cried every day for her daddy, the older girls cried for their baby sister and their Mummy and I cried for everyone, especially my little girl.
It’s been 9 months now, I’ve found a home in that time and try to make life as normal as possible for my 4 girls. I’ve built my business up and now have over 7300 mums in my free support group and I have just started a blog about raising girls alone and being a suicide loss survivor, it’s raw and upfront but it has a humorous twist because since losing Jay I have also found my laugh again. I’ve found my passion in empowering women and spreading awareness about mental health and suicide.
I have found me again and I value who I am.
I am a mum to 4 beautiful daughters and I honor that position.
I am a strong, independent woman who loves unconditionally.
I am a supporter of all women no matter where their story is.
I am an abuse survivor.
I am a mental health warrior.
I am a suicide loss survivor.
Connect with Christielee
Her Blog – www.mumthatsabadword.com