Self-confidence is the key to success and everyone wants to rock it. But in spite of having many virtues, people often fail to prove themselves in lack of self-confidence. People having self-confidence even though lacking other qualities and skills get a marvelous success in any field they go to. So, we must try our best to boost self-confidence. Here’s a post by Catharina on how we can boost our self-confidence. Catharina Kallio is a girl from Finland working with companies and the people in them, helping them grow. Mum of two boys, creative mind and handcrafter. Her belief is that anything is possible when you work your mind and take action.
One major thing to do, to boost self-confidence
The topic of self-confidence – believing in oneself, has tickled my mind for a long time. On one hand, I have turned inward to look at my own self-confidence, but I have also had the opportunity to study it in other people I meet, working as a consultant in the field of Human Resources.
What I have noticed in all the people I get to interview and coach is the enormous difference there seems to be in self-confidence. Even more interesting is how self-confidence either pushes people to do something or hinder them from flourishing. Many times, it seems that the amount of self-confidence has an even greater impact on accomplishments in life than education has. That is huge!
Why self-confidence is so important
There are definitions and theories explaining self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-efficacy. The definitions explain these topics having to do with the feeling of self-worth and with the belief that we can accomplish whatever we take on. In my opinion, they are all strongly intertwined and that is why I narrow them down to the topic of self-confidence.
The lack of self-confidence, I feel, is closely linked to fear. Fear of failing, fear of feeling ashamed, fear of making mistakes, fear of feeling like an outsider, and so on. When we feel fearful that will most definitely stop us from moving forward, from taking on new challenges. Having low self-confidence will hinder us from development and from evolving.
On the other hand, a balanced and good self-confidence is associated with better health, a better social life. It protects against social problems, increases healthy coping and mental well-being.
Pay some serious attention to your inner voice
There is a lot going on in our head each, and every day. It is stated that we process about 60.000 thoughts per day. Taking this into account it´s easy to understand why paying attention to our thoughts is of great importance.
The inner voice is many times being referred to as mental chatter or the monkey mind. What this means is that the thoughts we have are usually being unsupervised because we are not paying attention to them, but try to manage them. What is even scarier is that we believe in our thoughts!
Please try. Do you believe what you tell yourself? “I couldn´t possibly manage to do that… who am I to think I should ask for a raise… there are smarter people than me, I shouldn´t say anything…” Does this sound familiar. This is the monkey mind, the mental chatter we need to pay serious attention to.
The mental chatter will easily set the tone of our day, week and month. But what if I would say that your thoughts are your choice. Your thoughts create how you feel. Wouldn´t this be a good enough reason to start focusing on what your inner voice is telling you?
When is your inner dialogue serving you and when is it not? What if we try to change the dialogue to be at least more neutral? Instead of it hitting us down in our lives it could at least stay neutral until it one-day talks nicely to us, in the same way, we actually speak to our friends.
Be the first one to cheer You
It´s normal for the inner voice to be both positive and negative. Sadly though, when I talk to people (especially women) they say their inner voice does not support them at all. Instead, it is judgmental. This makes us, for some strange reason think, we should be supported by everyone around us. When we instead should be the first ones to support ourselves.
The relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you have. If you feel drained you can not be there for anyone else.
Digging down to the root of the problem
Oftentimes the problem is that we are so used to the mental chatter and our inner voice, that we are not hearing the tone of it anymore. Sometimes we let it go so far that we listen to it being evil, critical and judgmental as if it would be objective and correct in what it is stating. If you talk to yourself with words and in a tone which you would never use when talking to someone else, it is time to stop using it on yourself.
When we feed ourselves with negative self-talk we easily start reacting accordingly. If I say to myself: why should I be capable of doing that, I´m not a pro… What would be the odds of me succeeding, why bother? On the other hand, if I tell myself: why not me; I´m smart and I know I can figure it out. With this self-talk going on in my head I might be even eager to start with something new. We have a thought, that causes a feeling that will lead to action. Depending on how and what we think the outcome will differ a lot.
Boosting self-confidence can be supported by many factors
There will surely be a bunch of different factors that play a role when we decide to boost our self-confidence.
We all have different life experiences, situations, and problems we have had to conquer. Looking back, we know these situations were asking a lot of us, but we made it in the end, somehow in some way. Because of such situations, we can find it easier to believe in ourselves the next time we are put on the spot. To do so we need to be able to see our accomplishments, to recognize them and be aware of them.
There is also the topic of failure I touched earlier. A combination of low self-confidence and a fear of failure will make me play as safe as I possibly can. I will do everything to avoid feeling ashamed or stupid. If we on the other hand look at failure as a possibility to learn and to develop our approach will be the opposite.
Understanding our personality, accepting ourselves for what we are with the good and the bad will support us in building self-confidence. We also need to understand the culture we live in and the upbringing we had. Doing so we can diminish the power other people have or have had on us during earlier years.
These topics are just a few I feel are closely related to self-confidence, there will most definitely be a few more. Still, I would say; the best way to start is by focusing on the inner voice and the mental chatter. Please notice how you talk to yourself, the tone of voice you use and the words you choose.
Awareness is always the first step to change. Become aware of the mental chatter, try not to be afraid of listening to it. What is it saying, what would you want it to say? What could be a neutral way of talking to yourself and what might you say to a friend in that particular situation? Why not use that tone of voice and choice of words on you. Good luck with upgrading your self-confidence to the next level. 😉
In my blog workingmymind.com my aim is to help women find their power. I have experienced what the lack of self-confidence can rob you out of and I have also seen other women play small because of it. It all starts with understanding ourselves.
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