What Does It Take To Be A Real Mom?

mom daughter

Mother’s day is around the corner and so I decided to write my deeply felt emotions about being a mother in a post. Mother is one person who is very often compared to God. Reason- she gives us life, she raises us and makes innumerable sacrifices for us throughout her life. Now, time and again a question hits me like anything. ‘What does it take to be a mom?’ Does a woman become a mother by just giving birth to a baby? If a woman who has not given birth to a child but has raised him/her like her own is any less of a mother? Should we only talk about the biological mothers when we talk about motherhood or do the foster mother deserve the same love and respect from us? Obviously, all of you the educated and elite ones will say unanimously that both the mothers deserve equal respect and I too completely agree with it. But then why do we give so much stress on becoming a biological mother to a child and if a woman fails in it she is disrespected? Let’s talk about it in detail.

The story of biological versus foster/ adoptive mom goes back to the period of epic Mahabharata in India. The first beautiful bond of mom and child without having a biological connection is seen in the relationship of baby Krishna and maa Yashoda. Though Devaki was the biological mom of Lord Krishna He was raised by maa Yashoda with all her love. She loved Him immensely and took care of Him like any other doting mom. She enjoys His little mischiefs and protects Him from everyone saying things against Him like He stole their ghee and butter, broke their pitchers, etc. Her love and affection for Lord Krishna are exemplary. Nothing beats the mother-child bond of Krishna and Yashoda. Devaki is always remembered in second place when we recall Krishna’s mothers. Even Lord Krishna who respected both His moms equally definitely loved maa Yashoda more as He spent His childhood under her maternal affection.

In the same era of epic Mahabharata, we have one more instance of a foster mother raising a child with all her love and care when he is thrown in a river by his biological mother as she got pregnant before marriage. Yes, I am talking about Kunti’s son Karna. Karna who was as brave and talented a warrior as was Arjuna was always ridiculed for not being a Kshatriya. Karna was raised by a woman of low caste named Radha. When Kunti reveals the truth to him, he simply says for him Radha will always be his mother as she was the one who brought him up with lots of love, making numerous sacrifices for him. He doesn’t show the greed for being called a Kshatriya or son of Kunti. He remains satisfied being the son of his foster mom Radha.

In modern times in our Indian society though people generally try to show off that they don’t discriminate between a biological mom and a foster/adoptive mom but actually they do. If a woman is not being able to become a biological mom she is asked by her in-laws for multiple treatments instead of being encouraged to adopt a child. She is given the option of going for an IVF baby or even surrogacy and adoption is always the last option. In most of cases adoption is never an option since people think the adopted child will have the hereditary traits of his biological parents who might be bad people.

All I want to prove and emphasize is, giving birth does not make you a mother; raising a child with love and care does. I have seen cases of biological mothers killing their children and the foster moms bringing up the kids like their own! So, stop shaming the women who can not bear children it hardly makes any difference. What matters most for being a mother in the true sense of the term is unconditional love for the child and bring him/her up into a good human being. Motherhood is not as easy as you think it to be- just giving birth to a child. You have to make real efforts to be a mom! Happy Mother’s Day to all beautiful moms out there!

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